Moon’s “World-Famous Texas Trail Relish”

Texas Trail Relish preparation set up on a counter with a chopping board

For over 25 years I’ve been making an original spicy concoction simply known as “Trail Relish”.

I know of no other recipe like it. One secret ingredient is “Comino Molido” aka Ground Cumin — it sets my Trail Relish apart (“If it ain’t brown, I ain’t down!”).

Another secret ingredient? Tears.
The mix should be so gnarly that you shed a tear during preparation. That’s when you know it’s good.

A good rule of thumb for preparing it is to have no exact measurements, and always make it hotter than you’re comfortable with. (If you’re weak just add lime juice, it reduces the spiciness.)

Trail Relish Recipe:

Ingredients:

Fresh Veggies:

Cilantro 50%
White Onion 10%
Green Onion 10%
Jalepeno Peppers 10%
Serrano Peppers 10%
Habanero Peppers 5% (if you're mad)
Fresh Lime Juice 5%

Texas Trail Relish veggy ratios pie chart courtesy of Todd Moon

Old Spices Mix:

Comino Molido 52%
Chunky Sea Salt 16%
Sal con Limón, or Twang™ 16%
Black Pepper 16%

Texas Trail Relish spice ratios pie chart courtesy of Todd Moon

Preparation Steps:

Don’t wash anything; just shake off any debris.
Chop everything first (not too fine though).
Mix up 1/2 of Cilantro and 1/2 of the other veggies.
Place a base of chopped Cilantro in a large bowl
Add some spices
Add chopped Peppers & Onions
Add more Cilantro
Add more Spices
Pour one cup of fresh-squeezed Lime Juice in there
Shake it up

Taste it:

Did it hurt?
Add more Peppers

Does it stink?
Add more Onion and Comino Molido

Is it brown?
Add more Comino Molido

Is it sour?
Add more Lime Juice

Are you mad?
Add finely chopped Habenero Peppers

Is it done?
When you're angry and in pain, your breath stinks and your eyes are watering... add a dash of cold Lone Star Beer™. Shake and stir again until there is a mix of greenish-brown death juice at the bottom.

Storage:

Stick in the fridge.

Serving:

Mix again before serving. Garnish with Peppers and Lime (cut in quarters) on top of the mix. Best served with burnt hot dogs on tortillas or hot dog buns with a side of lukewarm Lone Star™!

Legal disclaimer:

People either love or hate Trail Relish, so always warn people what they are getting into.

Any modifications to this recipe makes it suck!

If you add tomatoes, it’s no longer Trail Relish. It's now basically just really good Pico de Gallo and you have insulted me with your bad taste, poor judgement and no sense of integrity or respect.

(The only authorized modification I accepted is a bit of chopped Radish, aka “Louie Natal Style.”)

Much Love,
Moon